Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
