I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
