I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
40s are totally the cure
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
