took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
