Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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