i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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