I didn't shave. On purpose
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
