And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
