Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
