Having a random hookup so left but love u
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
