i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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