Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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