I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
