wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
