in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
