I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
