Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
