Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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