Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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