new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
