wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
