As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
