Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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