Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You're like the curious george of whores
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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