dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize