Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
