You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
