If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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