im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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