Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
