His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
