I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
