Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
