I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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