I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You smell like stripper and shame
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
