It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
