Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
