who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
