you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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