So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
sex in a hospital.. check
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
