plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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