I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well you can't waste a boner
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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