i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
