I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
