Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize