What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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