Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
