can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
