$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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