On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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