And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
