it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
