part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
