Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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