Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
