So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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