She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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