3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
