Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
