worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
