the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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