I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
