How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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