Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
