I accidentally had phone sex last night
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize