so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
