Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
